As a shaft of light falls on my eyes and my derealization sets back I realize I’ve been lying on my bed for
hours staring at the white ceiling of my room-its just that the ceiling never seemed of white neither do I
recall looking at any ceiling at all- “again”-I sigh.I try to close my eyes hoping I fall asleep and drop down
to my abyss of peace-an escape to reality-but as I try, something strucks me, an overwhelming wave of
emotion right at the centre of my chest filled with anxiety,hatred,disappointment,pain and sorrow-Im
not happy I whisper
I’m at the point of my life where nothing seems to interest me anymore. As if the happy, the curious, the
nonchalant child in me no longer exists the only thing that exists in me is the eternal void of despair,
despair so strong that it glues me to my bed even if I dont want to. Where did I go wrong?as I question
my current state, a quote of Carl Jung I’d read pops up on my head, the quote goes,”Your vision will
become clear only when you can look into your own heart;Who looks outside dreams, who looks inside
awakes.”
Fast forward to a month later and I’m in disbelief of what I’ve gained so far. It’s only been a month but
feels like decades to me. For the last 30 days I’ve been working on my mental health and the
improvement so far is absolutely bliss. I’ve devoted myself to becoming a better person in terms of my
goals, social status and the quality of my life in general. I’ve fixed my despaired relationship with my
family and friends which ultimately is helping me to understand the things that I once was unaware of. I
now have a direction to my life on what I want to achieve which to me is the biggest gain so far.
Throughout my developmental process self-awareness has always been the key. Being self-aware of
everything that life put me through helped me be mindful about myself which ultimately lead me to
calmness and as per my experience being calm in what seems to be the hardest stage of our life opens
up a way of dealing with struggles more critically and more precisely. I personally find this part of
consciousness extremely helpful for my own mental health and is something I’ve decided to continue for
the rest of my life.
In a world contained by materialism and its capitalistic ideas one can easily be manipulated to unnatural
ideas of happiness and I too found myself a victim of it for a long period of time until now. I’ve now
realized that true happiness comes from within and stable mental health plays vital role in accessing it.
The quality of my life has increased immensely by changing my deteriorating habits towards mental
health and working on it has enabled me to experience life more positively and see things clearly. My
journey of life has just begun. I was asleep but now I’m awake.

By:
Aawishkar Niraula
BSW First Year, 2023