“If you want to love others you should love yourself first.” Have you ever thought about
loving yourself before anyone else? Or have you ever accepted yourself for who you are? I guess
no because insecurities drills a hole into a person’s heart, minimizes their integrity, and
accumulates as plaque buildup, hindering any kind of future growth. As we are brain washed by
a judgmental society where we tend to compare ourselves with others. Every one of us is
insecure about our self either it be our body or the way we look because society have set the bar
for everything. Like everyone has insecurities so do i. at my pre-teenage phase I had lots of
insecurities about my body and my disability.
My journey to self-love began after I realized that I had developed insecurities. This was
when I was about 14- 15, growing up for me was not easy. I could not easily blend in friends
circle even if I try I used to worry about what others are thinking about me? But growing up I
sued to get called by different names I was always left out in physical games and all. I was
treated like I was different. So I wanted to change myself so I did everything I worked hard so I
could change myself. Not only that for most of my life, I have been aware of how others perceive
the way I look. My tendency to analyze social interactions in several aspects of my life is
sometimes helpful, but often forces me to be harder on myself and the way I look. Ever since I
was in school whenever I am around someone I don’t know I actively use my body language to
make myself appear thinner. From my young age, I have believed my weight and my weakness
were how I would be defined and would dictate how others treat me. I began to think that any
weight I gained and disability would just be more of a reason for people to dislike me.
Discussing body image is difficult, especially as a young girl, and even now as an adult. Talking
about insecurities is always scary. But with body image, people are quick to tell you that things
are just in your head if they aren’t expressing their concerns about you.
I never thought of a less of anyone else who gained weight, it was a completely personnel
struggle. When it came to my body, I felt like I had to compensate, I had to be funny or smart or
artsy to avoid being defined by my physical appearance. My relatives used to question me what i
eat because they feared I would get fat. I middle school, I felt like I had to prove to my friends
that I was active and healthy and even today I worry over normal body fluctuations. I try and
avoid people sharing their concerns with my size because of their words I used to overthink. It
was draining me. I started to notice that my body didn’t look like my friends. I remember sitting
with my best friend and asking,” Do you think I am fat?” given our age and lack of any
education or discussion on body image, she was startled by my question and immediately
responded, “No of course not.” But her response did not comfort me. I felt like she said this word
out of pity. My friend didn’t mean any harm. In fact, she probably meant to make me feel better.
But since then I have been hyper aware of my body because I realized that the way I see myself
isn’t the same as how others see me. My confidence in my body and weight hasn’t always been
dictated by the number on a scale or by the way I feel. But rather, hearing people talk about
weight gain as a negative issue. One of my friend always use to tell me I am on “the good size of
plus sized.” Although that might be an innocent enough statement, all it does is tell me that I am
overweight but not in an aesthetically depleasing way. The statement indirectly warns me of the
“bad side of plus sized” the scary fate that being overweight enough to claim the title of the “fat
girl.”
I still want to change myself but this time not for others, not thinking by others
perspective but for myself. To get the better version of myself. In early 2017 or 2016 I started to
watch videos and used to read about loving ones insecurities and came across this boy band
called BTS. I started loving myself, speaking for myself. The turning point in my life was when
the UN speech delivered by the leader Kim Namjoon. This speech still pops on my mind
whenever I think about self-love. I got goose bumps when I heard his speech. Not only me
millions of people agreed and started sharing their stories. I came this far enduring all the body
shaming and being asked about my disability. I owe to them. I was not this confident, outgoing
person back in 2014-2015. But now I can make decision who I want to be surrounded by and
whom I have to cut off. If I am bothered by someone’s word and their action I don’t mind to
speak for myself. I am kinder to my body and my disability and recognize that it is much more
than what it looks like on the outside. It allows me to do the things which bring me joy. What I
have found to be most helpful is when people allow me to speak openly about why I feel the way
I do about my body and talk with me about accepting myself not about changing it. A positive
conversation is one that encourages me to exercise because it makes me feel better, not because I
should lose some extra weight. Those conversations are the ones that contribute to self-
confidence, because I feel that my voice is being heard, even though the discussion may be more
uncomfortable than a friend simply saying I am not fat.
If you want to love yourself you have to love yourself you have to love your insecurities
too. Make your weakness your biggest strength. If you can’t love or accept yourself as who you
are you can’t love others too. Change comes within you. So to be loved by others we have to
love ourselves first. People going to judge you so we have to accept our insecurities and speak
for yourself. If you can’t love yourself, you also can’t love other people and I believe that you
can be the happiest if you accept and love your insecurities. As Namjoon said “no matter who
you are, where you’re from, your skin color, your gender identity just speak yourself.” Through
this speech in UNICEF 2018 he has urged people to love themselves. Through my personnel
struggle with my weight is ongoing, I have made great strides in learning how to live with the
body I have. I am beginning to listen to my body and understand how it works in order to
develop a healthy lifestyle. I hope to stop overanalyzing and keep developing my confidence,
instead of treating a number a scale as the key to a better life. Lastly, I would also like to suggest
people to stop comparing themselves with other and love themselves before anyone else.
By:
Niruta Tamang
BBS First Year, 2023